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To kill a kingdom characters8/24/2023 ![]() I got halfway through and thought I was only a fraction of the way in! Nope, just bad writing! I don’t get it! The world-building was god awful, half the characters were flat, there was no setup or explanation or exposition of any kind, and yet NOTHING HAPPENS IN THE FIRST HALF OF THE BOOK. This is the most boring book in the history of ever. ![]() Speaking of boring, this sh*t had absolutely no right to be and yet here we are. WE WEEP FOR YOUR SUFFERING, WE REALLY DO. SO SORRY YOU MIGHT HAVE TO RULE OVER AN ISLAND MADE OF GOLD, ASSHOLE. ![]() A real poor little rich boy type situation. The siren song of the YA male love interest. A lot like another red-haired fishy nemesis of mine.Īnd Elian is just.boring. She’s just mean and prissy and thinks she’s really funny and badass but god she is not at all. Part of this is because THE CHARACTERS ARE AWFUL!!! Lira is nowhere near the cool violent siren I EXPECTED and DESERVED. It was mostly banter that was just uniquely terrible, really just a whole new level of unfunny and bad but with characters being like “Wow.she is very funny.I quite like her.ha ha dare I say she is one of the gang.lol you may have met your match, dear sir.sounds like someone else I know.ha ha ha, I kid, oh yes, we have fun, lmao.”Īlso as established, the language is like one step above using text abbreviations anyway.Īnyway once we get past the banter stage of the romance, we jump straight into “icky gross touchy feely lovey dovey I hate it get it away from me.” And then betrayal, and then more of that again! It’s painful in a hundred different ways and it never gets better. This world could have been so cool but we get basically zero geographical or historical or general information, just weird random details about specific island-nations, and I’m quite seriously sick of it!!! For one, language? It’s not that hard to not use slang!! And like I’m SO sorry but when you’re pretending you’re writing high fantasy while using the word “okay” it doesn’t work for me again I’m SO sorry.Īnd if you’re going to write a standalone about a world with one hundred separate island kingdoms and do this bad of a job worldbuilding, honestly please at least give me a map so I can gaze lovingly at it and pretend to enjoy it. Like, let’s talk about the basic requirements of high fantasy that this book does not even BEGIN to satisfy. I hated this book!!! It’s been so long since I’ve read garbage YA fantasy that I almost forgot why I don’t read YA fantasy like ever!!! Contemporaries can be worse than fantasy could ever be but they are never so horrible to read. Instead, it was boring and romance and boring and terrible banter and boring and confusing info dumps and boring and weird flat writing and oh my god you guys this book was so f*cking BORING!!! This should have been violence and revenge and piracy and maybe some cool monarchical world-building if there’s time. Because if you guessed “Lira will now participate in a not-so-slow burn but absolutely teeming with sh*tty banter romance with the Siren Killer himself, Elian,” you’re today’s lucky winner! Congratulations. This might sound good, unless you’re like me and cynical and well-versed in YA and you know what that actually means. Get me the heart of an Extra Special Prince - the Siren Killer. This is a Little Mermaid retelling (okay actually still rad) in which Lira is given human legs because she takes a heart without it being her birthday (she can only take a heart for every year yadda yadda) and her mom (the queen, a Very Bad Lady) says oh you think you’re so tough? Okay. Take down the patriarchy/our capitalist oppressors/etc etc. Lira is especially badass, and she ONLY steals the hearts of princes. Sirens RIP the HEARTS out of dudes!! Pretty rad stuff, violent af, we love it. Lira’s a siren - the princess of the sirens. To Kill a Kingdom is (allegedly) a high fantasy about this gal Lira. “Legislation on the books.” Get it? Like that’s what you say about passing legislation successfully, but also it would be legislation on books? God I’m funny.īut let’s talk synopsis. It seems like they should be good and yet they aren’t and that is an injustice so massive I will dedicate the rest of my life to getting legislation on the books that will prevent it from ever happening again. Tell me that doesn’t seem like the rest of the hundreds of pages that follow it should be good!! Tell me! You’d be wrong. But like, come on: “I have a heart for every year I’ve been alive.” This law is for the good of the people, you know? ![]() Because then I open them in Barnes & Noble and am like “wow I should buy this” and then I do (except not immediately because I don’t have B&N levels of money honey) and then I’m disappointed and I hate it and it’s honestly bad for all of us. I am proposing a new law: Books that are not good should not be allowed to have really good opening lines.
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